AUTHOR RITA KUEHN

“What great thing would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?” This is a quote by Reverend Robert Schuller and it really is something to think about! Personally, I would say that my first response would be to write the “Great American Novel”. But this is such a great question, it requires thinking beyond one’s self to whom else might benefit from this attempt. Readers do, of course, benefit from great writing, but I think that I would like to have a bigger impact on society if I was sure that I would not fail. I would work to ensure that every child (every person, really) has a warm, loving home, more than enough food, and the knowledge of a God who loves them dearly. That’s if I only had one chance at this not failing business of which Schuller speaks.

However, I think Schuller’s point might be that we don’t know if we will fail or not, we would never know, unless we put one foot in front of the other (you know I’m a great fan of this), and give it our best shot. Our fears and anxieties of the worst that could happen often prevent us from even beginning to follow our dreams and desires.

But now, if we are going to be so bold as to try, and we are believing that we are not going to fail (let’s also say that I’ve already taken care of the issue of making sure everyone is fed and loved), what great or wonderful thing would YOU do? Would you climb mountains, swim oceans, compete in the olympics, write novels, pursue a secret dream? What WOULD you do?

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I love quotes by Erma Bombeck. She said, “It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.” I think this is so true! From my own experience, before I had a child in my life, I’d see a child having a tantrum in the grocery store and think, “What is the matter with that mother that she can’t get a grip on her kid?”, as if it were her fault that the kid was in his terrible twos and expressing some independence. I’d see a child wearing mismatched clothes and wonder, “What is that mother thinking?” when the child most likely dressed herself and was proud of it.

It’s not so black and white, is it? When people who don’t have children have all kinds of advice for you, what do you say? I say, “I used to feel that way too – before I had a child.”  There are some people without children who may have great insights to share, but I was not one of them. When I was single, I went on a trip with a friend and her two children, wonderful children who are all grown up now, and I thought that if they watch “Raiders of the Lost Ark” one more time I’m going to go out of my head! Turns out kids love repitition ~ they can watch the same thing over and over again, and each time get a new kick out of it. I should be so lucky.

Before she died, Erma Bombeck, wrote that, had she known her life would be shortened by breast cancer, one of the things that she would have done differently was to hug her kids more and accept those kisses no matter how busy she thought she was. This has always touched me, but sometimes it touches me at the most inconvenient time. Like last night, I was frying fish and anyone who knows me knows that I’m not the most confident cook (I like to call myself a reluctant cook), so I’m frying fish, wondering if I’m doing it right, and every two minutes the fish are flopping out of the pan, the grease is splattering everywhere, I have “Shore Lunch” puttied up on my hands, and my child came to me three times to give me a hug and a kiss. I know what someone without children would probably say to do, but do you think Erma meant like, in this situation, stop what you are doing, let the fish burn, and hug your wonderfully affectionate child?

This is what I did: I hugged her twice, all the while remembering Erma’s comments. Then I told her to get out of my way because I was just a little busy. I feel guilty somehow. What do you think?

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I don’t think of myself as someone who procrastinates. So I ask you, why, when I went to write my blog today, I accidentally and way too automatically, clicked on Spider Solitaire? The cursor seemed to go there by itself, but I have to confess to clicking on the spider icon myself.

 The game window opened. Any non-procrastinator would think, “Oops, wrong application,” then immediately close it down and continue to the blog. But the cursor did not automatically go to the little X box that closes the page. It went to File, Open New Game. Once again, I did the clicking. I played two games.

The only credit I will give myself for this blatant act of procrastinating (which, ahem, I don’t do) is that it inspired me with a blog topic. The whole time I played Spider Solitaire, I was wondering where my time-management ethics went astray. In my past life, I was a great project manager. I knew how to get things done on time. So was this deterioration (for I think of this procrastination as a true deterioration of my core values—that can-do kind of girl that I am) a slow process that crept up on me—something I acquired after I’d quit working in business for someone else? After all, there they paid me for doing things on time. Or is it a case of, “What may be done at any time will be done at no time,” (Thomas Fuller quote)?

 I don’t like either of those scenarios. They just don’t fit with the image I have of myself. And just to prove that it is not yet time to re-evaluate that image, I closed down the game.

 Feeling so much better about myself, I began to write this blog. Now I’ve convinced myself that today’s procrastination was only a temporary thing. Surely, I should just give myself a break. It is Monday. The puppy is sleeping. I haven’t had a moment to myself in days. Spider Solitaire is relaxing. Well it is supposed to be . . . but I had work to do. Okay, but now I’m done blogging . . . oh . . . don’t touch that spider . . . I’ve a novel to write.

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Sometimes we get in our own way. As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right”. When it comes to believing in ourselves, for many of us, it takes a lot of self-talk just to get out brains around a positive attitude. In fact, negative, doubting thoughts might come more naturally to some of us! But if we start out with the perspective that “we can’t do it” or “it can’t be done”, well, take it from Henry Ford, we’ll be right.

Often our confidence breaks down because a task seems too big, and we become mentally exhausted at the thought of taking on a challenge. Because of this, we may never begin. But don’t overwhelm yourself with the big picture. I have to remind myself of this every time I start a new novel. In fact, this might be a pep talk just for me. Without it, I wouldn’t even begin chapter 1.

 Instead of trying to suck the whole story in at once, choking over the many details to define and organize, I write down the biggest aspects of the story (not caring at all about the details). I then break those elements down. I may break the next level down, again, and again, until I get to a step that I can manage. Taking it step-by-step, with each task completed I feel a sense of accomplishment. It boosts my confidence to continue on to the next step. Maybe it’s not an organized next step, but I don’t worry about it. I slice off a piece of the challenge that I feel I can do, and I get it done. Accomplishments, satisfaction, confidence—you’ll blossom like an English garden.

 Whether it’s cleaning the kitchen, prioritizing your day or taking back your life, what is it that you want to accomplish? Write down some positive steps that will take you where you want to go. Pick one you can handle and complete it. See how good it feels.

Is there a dream you’ve had for years and never acted on? Is there a project you’ve never started? Is there a resume’ you need to complete? Or are you simply trying to get more organized? Break it down, do it, and then let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear your comments.

 PS You can do it—just get out of the way!

 And if Henry Ford hasn’t inspired you, take it from God: “For I have not given you the spirit of fear (intimidation), but of power and of love and of a strong mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

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He who loses wealth loses much;
he who loses a friend loses more;
but he that loses his courage loses all.
  ~Miguel de Cervantes

It is sometimes so very difficult to be courageous, especially when you are going it alone. Writing is like that, book marketing is like that. Looking for employment is like that. There are a multitude of circumstances in every walk of life like that.

I often have to ignore the tingles in my stomach (or my head) and go forth with or without them every time I contact a book store on behalf of my book Peripheral View (treating it as a product with value, ignoring the piece of my heart  and soul that went into writing it). If I don’t ignore the 1000 little tingles and voices that say it’s not good enough and recall all the positive reviews and feedback, I’d probably crawl into a hole and not come back out!

I have a publicist, a quite wonderful woman, but there are still many things I must do on my own. Opening doors is a laborous, sometimes lonely task, but we must be brave enough to do it anyway. And don’t just knock–place your foot firmly on the threshold and leave it there. You have every right to be there, as much right as anybody else. Don’t feel inferior, because you are not; don’t let those tingles steal your stride.

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I’ve been reading some very good inspirational quotes, and to tell you the truth, I need all the help I can get, lately. Here is a quote that I like: We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success.” Henry David Thoreau,  and this one:

“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you’ll land among the stars.” Les Brown

Promoting my book is a full-time job right now, but I’m so fortunate to have help from some great people to brainstorm with. It’s all good, promoting Peripheral View, that is, but it’s different than the business that I’m used to doing. Solutions to many issues are manageable and foreseeable. You take this step, that step, the next step, and you arrive where you need to be. But lately I find that I can take so many steps that may or may not lead to something. Still, I continue, as I always have, one step at a time.

Word-by-Word Great Quotes, Peripheral View, Step By Step